


Mai on Zhue

by The Rambling Mai (Loopy)



Series: Mai's Ramblings [16]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, No Bashing, Parody, Racism, Zero Punctuation - Freeform, and making up what she doesn't know, and sometimes lying just for her amusement, just mai interpreting everything in the worst possible light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 19:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30043632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loopy/pseuds/The%20Rambling%20Mai
Summary: Mai's secret thoughts on all the Avatar ships- and you know the funny is coming when the driest, most critical personality in the show decides to let it all out! Everything Avatar is analyzed and described in the most ridiculous way possible! A fandom classic!Today, Mai tries to wrap her head around the oddest Fire/Water pairing: ZHUE!!
Relationships: Yue/Zhao (Avatar)
Series: Mai's Ramblings [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1989946
Comments: 5
Kudos: 9





	Mai on Zhue

**Mai on... Zhue!**

"For some reason a lot of people really like the idea behind a romance between a member of the Fire Nation and a savage from the Water Tribes. One of the more popular of these, amongst those who consider sanity over-rated, is the sub-textual relationship between Admiral Zhao and Princess Yue.

"Yue was the daughter of High Chief Arnook of the Northern Water tribe and his only offspring at all and perhaps even his only family because we never saw hide nor hair BUT IN THOSE PARKAS IT'S HARD TO SEE ANYTHING of a wife but despite this he never seemed to be the doting type PROBABLY BECAUSE EVERYONE LOST A PARENT OR TWO SO IT'S HARDLY WORTH CRYING OVER. In fact Arnook-y HA HA SAY IT OUT LOUD came across as a bit of a jerk because he was forcing his daughter to marry a guy she didn't like at all HE LIKED TO BRAG ABOUT HER 'PERKS' FROM WHAT I HEAR even though Sokka was around and she really liked him BUT THEN WHO DOESN'T and then to add insult to injury he went and made Sokka her bodyguard during the Fire Nation's siege MORE ON THAT IN A SECOND even though she had spent the last week sobbing in public over the social customs that prevented her from throwing herself into Sokka's arms and sucking his face off. How Sokka could show any interest in such a wilting flower DO THEY HAVE FLOWERS UP THERE MAYBE SHE'S MORE OF A WILTING KELP LEAF is completely beyond my understanding but since his sister was a rather dominating type and the last girl who showed any romantic interest in him forced him into a dress and then beat him up I can see how he was maybe enjoying a temporary change of pace.

"Meanwhile, Zhao was being his typical ambitious self and climbing ranks in the Fire Nation military/navy thing at a faster rate than Iroh had tumbled down them during his fall from grace. Zhao was leading a rather empty life with only the prospect of earning the Fire Lord's favor driving him onward OOH WHAT A PRIZE IT DID WONDERS FOR MY FAMILY but considering how much good that same favor did for Azula in the end I guess he was going to be heading for a bad time regardless. Zhao's latest plot was to one-up Zuko LIKE THAT'S REALLY HARD by capturing the Avatar and while he was at the North Pole doing that anyway he figured it couldn't hurt to also conquer the Northern Water Tribe and kill and spirits backing them up. Let it never be said that Zhao knew when to quit. So he brought a whole bunch of boats and Firebenders and went spirit-hunting.

"Whatever else his faults LIKE THOSE SIDEBURNS you can't say that Zhao was a complete incompetent BUT I'M TOO APATHETIC TO CALCULATE THE PERCENTAGES and he actually got as far as finding and identifying the Moon and Ocean spirits. That's when everybody and Zuko tracked him down and threatened to put him in the ground if he so much as thought about fish and chips. As power-trippers are wont to do, Zhao ignored them and flamed the Moon fish and then ran like Inferno because he was outclassed in every way, shape, and form by the forces united AND TICKED OFF against him. Zuko caught up with him and took the time HELLO END OF THE WORLD HERE to prove that Zhao was the absolute weakest fighter on the whole planet by effortlessly beating him up, and then the Ocean fish finally caught up with them and dragged the good admiral underwater to his doom. Zuko claims he tried to save Zhao but the prospect of having to explain to the Fire Lord that his disgraced son saved him from a fish was probably too humiliating so he let himself drown.

"Meanwhile back at the high holy aquarium perfect Princess Yue was revealed to be a substitute Moon spirit because she had white hair and took swimming lessons as a baby and apparently her father had promised the fishes she would die for them if only they would give him a few years he could use to make her absolutely miserable WOW FATHER OF THE CENTURY HE AND OZAI WOULD GET ALONG. Sokka was really sad about the whole thing because Yue was the last girl on the planet he could claim he was tougher than so his future looked to be depressingly emasculating. To take stock of the whole situation HONESTY THIS IS REALLY HARD TO FOLLOW Yue became a Moon fish because Zhao fried the old Moon fish and in revenge the Ocean fish took Zhao for a swim. At this point only a Fortuneteller IF YOU BELIEVE THAT SORT OF THING could tell the rest of the story but if you ask me Zhao would be hanging around the Spirit World looking for someone weaker than himself to boss around and Yue had a lifetime's experience of being bossed around by male jerks and also had an established history of running into the arms of morons to escape uncomfortable arranged marriages so it's really only a matter of time LIKE FIVE SECONDS until Yue and Zhao get together and bond over dominating fishes and the Moon and dying in uncomfortably cold environments. I mean if Yue really cared about being true to Sokka then a certain Earthbender and a certain clown girl would have had unfortunate accidents while crossing bodies of water at night but they're still around so I can only assume she's too busy being PERKY in the afterlife or whatever.

"I know I'll make a lot of people angry with this, so that's why I'm going to note that this couple is officially 'sleeping with the fishes'. I know, I'm terrible."


End file.
